Be Bold

I remember taking this photo. I was learning photography and needed to test my first professional camera. It was hard to get someone to shoot in time for my class assignment, and I thought it would be best not to waste time and to learn as much as I could on my own so I wouldn't waste other peoples time as I learned. I used a floor lamp in my room for light and did the best I could as I was teaching myself on the way. I had high hopes. I even brought in a fan and learned how to angle it properly while jumping over it to get on top of my bed within the timer release. I was bold about it and just went for it. I didn't think how ridiculous it may look to people I just wanted to execute and learn. I didn't model as a child but in high school I was asked by a friend to be part of her runway show. It was a weird concept for me because I always thought of my life as a camera. Just like a movie, whenever a character looks directly into the lenses during the duration of the film... you suddenly became more aware of your existence. Whenever people would look directly at me it would puzzle me. I thought I was invisible. Although I admired models, there was a part of me that dismissed it as a real possibility.

How do we be bold when we do not have certainty? Certainty is not needed for boldness; courage is needed, for without courage… there is no exploration of possibilities. I firmly believe everyone's life should be a good movie. You should keep it interesting, and inspiring to those who may surpass you past your prime. I grew up being painfully shy but I hated when people would excuse me and say "she's too shy". They never encouraged me, they assumed my character and enabled my fear which allowed me to adapt it as a personality. Till today, I am still a bit shy but I am bold as well. We are all a work in progress, and in the progress, we discover new things and think differently.

I am still a do it yourself kind of person. I like sewing, I like designing, I love editing in Photoshop, and I loved created my book. I find when starting the most areas of the arts they warn you that your first try will be horrible. Sometimes they are right sometimes they are wrong. We all have our own journey and how we get there on our own way. When I was researching writing a book, they said never publish your first draft. Yet a looked at a New York Times best seller and he said "I published my first draft I never re-wrote it". This is not to say that you are always going to be an outlier, but sometimes not limiting yourself can excel you past mediocrity. There are things I thought I would always do and things I thought I would never do. In a lot of ways, I am glad I self-taught because in going into the unknown I discovered and developed my authenticity without harsh judgements, I developed through curiousity rather than approval.

In this life sometimes you have to just take the leap. I remember in the above photo having to leap gracefully over the fan without the strings getting caught. I knew the timer could go off before I was ready and I thought to myself in the moment... every moment I will enjoy myself. I used to work on campus at my college. I occasionally would meet people and as I was checking them out I would ask them the secret to life. One guy leaned in and told me "the secret to life is to enjoy it". It stuck with me, I didn't judge myself as much and I would try to find joy as I learned. You should to.